Cedar Hill Crit: "Dude, what choo doing over here in Smashville, shouldn't you be in Hamburg destroying some streusel & hef- weiss dunkel?! 

Der Kaiser: "Nein. Der Jan likes the coldest of the Rockies, refreshing coors light! Smooth & crisp, like Ze hammer, Canibal Muzzin, on suicide hill."

Cedar Hill Crit: "…………..."

Der Kaiser: "oh, yah...(rubs out of competition fupa), Der Jan like streusel."

Cedar Hill Crit: "….seriously, WTF, are you doing here, Ulrich?"

Der Kaiser: …..(licks fingers, wipes corner of mouth) "Der Jan hears of AmericAAAAN crit races, in ze Springtime. Where fragrance of tulip and honey wafts invoking mein suber Klodi, oh sweet Klodi ..NEIN NEIN NEIN! Jan the Destroyer haz heard of these races. Athletes with quads like oak and lungs breathing fires! Iron that sharpens iron…is the mettle of champions!"

Der Jan: Question please? Tell der Jan. Does it rains Rhine country lagers and the chickens are flaming sandwiches? I can haz tiny sausages and potatoes?"

Cedar Hill Crit: " lol, riiiiight, So if we're understanding you correctly, you interested in the exciting weekend of crits happening in Nashville, the weekend of May 4th-6th...as well as some of the food and beverage options? 

Der Kaiser: (reaches for another pastry) "mmmm hmmm"

Cedar Hill Crit: "Since your english has gone to pot following that spanking on Ventoux, (and for the sake of our three readers time). Listed below are the quick deets on the Nashville weekend of crits"

1. Friday, May 4th -Nashville Speedway twilight criterium
 races 5-9pm. kidney bean course. 
 -Click thru for flyer & registration
- random Youtube crappy race footage
- Facbook link

2. Sat. May 5th Max Gander Memorial Criterium 
races 10 -4pm, fast 4-corner crit surrounded by Sevier Park Festival
 - click thru for flyer & registration 
- random Youtube crappy race footage

3. Sun. May 6th - Cedar Hill Criterium
races -8-5pm 
​click thru for registration 
random Youtube crappy race footage
instagram  

Der Kaiser: "Der Kaiser like streusel."

Cedar Hill Crit - "oh, right, we almost forgot, food & drink! Nashville Speedway Crits there is usually a food truck or two, and a lot of beer coolers. Speedway crits are usually followed by folks dragging themselves to a nearby watering hole called Smoking Thighs for beer and chicken dishes. "

Der Kaiser: "Der Kaiser like beer."

Cedar Hill Crit: "Right. Saturday's race, the Max Gander Memorial Criterium, the food and beverage options are endless! The 4-corner crit is centered in the middle of the annual spring Sevier Park festival, restaurants and beer joints galore. Our personal fave is the 12 South Taproom. "

Der Kaiser: "Der Jan is liking festivals."

Cedar Hill Crit: "We've heard.  Lastly, on Sunday, at yours truly, ye 'ole leg burner, Cedar Hill Criterium, Hattie B's Hot Fried Chicken will have their food truck out to provide some of that special post-race Nashville grub. Not sure about those tiny sausages though. Lagers from Little Harpeth Brewery will be on tap to cool you off after you go anaerobic on ze flaming chicken tenders. Lil Harpeth Brewery - great dudes with a special philosophy in brewing lagers right here in Nashville, make some great lagers - we think you'll approve. "​

Der Kaiser: (licks fingers, drains stein ) "DER JAN APPROVES!."

Gonna be a weekend of fast crit racing action in Nashville, May 4th- 6th!
#MusicCityCrits #MaxGanderMemorialCrit #CedarHillCrit 
#LordsofSprint #HattieB'sRacing #HattieBsNashville #RBsCyclery #Halycon #BikersChoice #Trail&Fitness #LilHarpethBrewing #VWCoolSprings #Shimano 

*This concludes our ridiculous fantasy interview with Der Kaiser. Thanks always to Joe Papp for the inspiration. Stay tuned for our next exciting sit down, with god only knows who.